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I once heard a joke that shed light upon the behavior and attitudes of every bartender I have ever known and grown to love - “What’s the difference between God and a Bartender? God doesn’t think she’s a Bartender.” As you and your friends get ready for an evening, donning your best Forever 21 outfit, remember this joke, it will serve you well the next time you stumble up to a bar praying to get a decent cocktail. My job is not simply to berate the irate customer, more to educate and enlighten them of their misconstrued ideas of the way that the nightclub and service industry operate. This symbiotic relationship will serve as a catalyst to a greater change for the good of all those who wish to enjoy a night out on the town and for those that choose to serve them.
Who has a better sense of humor, the bartender or patron?
As I browsed the hundreds negative Yelp reviews on every bar and nightclub in San Francisco, one caught my eye. The writer, Victoria D., is articulate, educated, obviously lying about her time in the service industry, and clearly has zero bar etiquette. Her review made me realize there is a fundamental difference between customers who frequent a chic Hotel and a customer who frequents a night club. I began to ask myself, who says the customer is always right?
This particular customer scribed this eloquent epilogue:
“SO i came here on Friday and the BARTENDER ruined my night,
If a bartender can ruin your night, you not only need to reassess your motivation for heading out, but your self-esteem is as outdated as your bubble dress. By allowing your emotional status to rely entirely on a total stranger tells us that you are unstable and dramatic. Bartenders in nightclubs are there to serve cocktails, not stroke your ego, not even to pretend to be your friend - cocktails, thats ALL we do. We don’t care if you like us, you are paying us to pay attention to you, thats it. Bartenders are like mirrors. They reflect back the majority attitude that is being displayed in front of them. Therefore, if you are an ass, we will be an ass to you.
The bartender, Mikey?(In the VIP area) .first of all he was WASTED...and even admitting he was always WASTED at work...because he was spilling alcohol over everything while making my drink and i said to him "WOW, are you wasted or something?" and of course like a dick he's like "Honey, I'm always wasted, it's what bartenders do"
Honey, if you’ve ever worked in the industry, as you tout later on, then you would realize and understand we have to be slightly intoxicated to put up with rude, ignorant, and self-riteous asses such as yourself.
"Ok, i said well, i'm a bartender and im never wasted at work" and i cant remember what he said back,probably something stupid and awful, just like him."
Well said Vicki! You have shown how intelligent and witty you truly are.
Anyways, so i ordered a Lemondrop, because i wanted something tasty (bc i just came from a show and drank beer all night) and he didn't put sugar on the rim, which isn't a big deal but he was wasted and i thought it'd be funny to fuck with him and the drinks were like 9 dollars...
Rule #1 - Bartenders ARE God. God is the only one allowed to mess with another person. You are not here to “fuck with” the bartenders, we are there to fuck with you.
So i try to ask him right away and he ignores me. Then he goes "If you want my attention you need to look me in the eye," WTF??????????What does that even mean??
So lets step back here for a moment. There is an innate defense system that serves to protect those that work in the service industry. Its sole job is to guard against cheap, annoying, and ignorant people. Mikey’s autonomic nervous system has triggered the classic response to an internal fight or flight response. His keen senses have identified a patron who is high maintenance, thinks they are important and clever, and above all is not going to tip, despite her claim as a bartender. It is now imperative that Mikey respond in such a way that will send a clear message that conveys to Vicki her place in the social chain. It begins with the classic “ignore.”
So it takes him 10 minutes to even do it and goes "OKAY WATCH" and transfers the drink into a new cup. and goes:
"IF YOUR A BARTENDER THEN U SHOULD START ORDERING REAL DRINKS"
The chain reaction continues with an intentionally long wait time for the “drink remake.” Finally, a verbal acknowledgement that she is not welcomed at his bar for the rest of the night, seen here as an insult towards her drink of choice. It is vitally important for message to be understood by Vicki, for if she were to hover the rest of the night she would simply waste Mikey’s time with further faggy cocktails that consume time and energy with no monetary compensation.
SO, i simply took the drink and threw it in his face and walked out. fucking dick.I recommend you go here if you like assholes,asian prostitutes,and like hearing mash ups and Bon Jovi. Oh and laugh at all the idiots who work there who think they are important.”
SUCCESS!!! Mikey’s defensive mechanism swiftly rid him of this time wasting cocktail consuming cancer. Oh, Vicki - the employees in every single bar, club, and restaurant everywhere you will ever go are important, always right, and will never bow down and kiss your ass. Accept that and you will always have a good time when you go out. It is better to understand reality than try to create your own. Please know this, the greatest part of being a bartender is knowing that we own the right to refuse service to any one we want for any reason we see fit, simply because we can.
